CROCK O. SCHITT HISTORICAL ARCHIVES
NOTICE REGARDING HISTORICAL CONTENT
This archive contains fact, fiction, family tradition, historical context, reconstructed records, satire, conjecture, and material whose origin or accuracy cannot always be independently established.
Names, dates, places, relationships, documents, images, artifacts, and events appearing within the Archives may be historically accurate, historically informed, reconstructed, fictional, coincidental, disputed, incomplete, or some combination thereof.
No individual item should be assumed factual solely because it appears alongside material that is.
Where the Archives distinguish between documented, estimated, disputed, reconstructed, or unknown information, those distinctions are intentional. Where certainty cannot reasonably be established, uncertainty is preserved.
The Crock O. Schitt Historical Archives should not be used as an authoritative source for genealogical, historical, academic, legal, or biographical research without independent verification.
Similarity to actual persons, families, places, organizations, records, or historical events may be intentional, coincidental, contextual, or unavoidable.
Some of this happened. Some of it might could have happened. Some of it most assuredly did not, maybe.
Determining which is which is not always the purpose of the Archive.
DISCLAIMER:
This site, kept by the Crock O. Schitt Historical Archives, is dedicated to the preservation of any n’ all fictional Schitt family records, questionable testimony, disputed genealogy, associated regrets, and whatever else happened to be dug up er lyin’ around when we found it.
Jus ’cause we dug it up, wrote it down, or shoved it in a file cabinet don’t mean it’s true – fully anways. Likewise, don’t mean it ain’t! That’s fer you to figure out.
Historical accuracy may vary dependin’ upon the witness, the goat, the condition of the tavern records, and whether Cousin Deep was tellin’ the story or had ANY involvement whatsoevr!
Any resemblance to actual persons, places, events, goats, cousins, or local government officials (frenly n’ not), …ER… former in-laws [damn Scheister’s] is purely coincidental, probably, n’ we swear ta that!
The Crock O. Schitt Historical Archives accepts no responsibility fer confusion, arguments at family reunions, lost sleep, genealogical disputes, church committee investigations, er any goat-related misunderstandings.
Furthermore, ya can’t sue us. We ain’t got Schitt.
— Crock O. Schitt
Acting Archivist, Historian, Genealogist, possessor of dubious records, and Occasional Witness wen sober
EDITOR’S NOTE:
Names is printed in bold on account o’ this family branches like swamp mangroves. Without the bold print, readers was gettin’ lost, accidentally marryin’ cousins, and blamin’ the author. We fixed what we could.
ADDENDUM TO DISCLAIMER
The Assistant Family Records Coordinator wishes to clarify that she was neither consulted regarding the preceding disclaimer nor responsible for any incident involving goats, tavern records, disputed genealogy, or former in-laws.
— Deep Schitt
Assistant Family Records Coordinator
You eloped with Dumb.
— C.O.S.
I married him. You hired him.
— D.S.
Temporarily.
Eleven years.
Needed help.
You made him Assistant Archive Security Coordinator.
Sounded official.
You gave him a key.
Got it back.
After he locked himself inside.
For six hours.
Door stuck.
It opened inward.
…
I have the incident report.
— D.S.