THE unofficial SCHITT FAMILY register notes — NOT THE OFFICAL REGISTER- BUT yea – JACK is MENTIONED in here too – quit askin!!
N’ annual Schitt family reunion, can’t put a date on it, no one scralled on the back. Location uncertain, several still aint’ been positively identified … heard tell one participant wondered off with the pie judge.
em.
Visitor’s Guide to the Schitt Family shenanigans
Here is yer wut-fer ….. Purpose: (Cousin Deep wants ta use THIS word!)
This page explains what the Schitt family is before dumping visitors into 800 names.
Think of it as:
Visitor Orientation
instead of
Database
Welcome
Congratulations.
Whether by accident, curiosity, poor judgment, or questionable family connections, you’ve found the Crock O. Schitt Historical Archives.
The Official Register contains the complete alphabetical listing of known Schitt family members.
This page exists for everyone wondering…
“What in the world have I just stumbled into?”
Curator’s Note
Visitors often ask whether the Schitt Family is entirely fictional.
The answer depends on who is telling the story. Some individuals are historically documented.
Some are historically disputed. A select few continue to deny their own existence despite appearing in three separate family Bibles.
Proceed accordingly.
Canon Levels
Official – Supported by surviving records, multiple witnesses, or documentation that even Jack couldn’t argue with.
Disputed – Two respectable family members disagree … usually really loud!
Family Legend – Everyone believes it happened ….. Nobody can prove it.
Nobody Wants To Admit It – There is overwhelming evidence ….. Everyone changes the subject.
Probably Happened Anyway – The documentation disappeared ….. …which somehow makes the story even more believable.
Historical Sources
Family Bibles Church ledgers Letters found in coffee cans County records
Tavern n’ saloon receipts Chicken damaged notebooks Ms. Abilail Ruth’s memory *** impeckable in 1886!
Jack’s version Everybody else’s version
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this real?
ya can argue sorta not, but who says wuts real?
Is any of it historically accurate?
Possibly, maybe, depends on who ya speak to
Will it make sense?
Eventually —– er ya just quit askin ….
Should I trust Jack?
Absolutely not.
Then…
Proceed to Official Register – that there button thing up top that says OFFICIAL
Research Standards
Every reasonable effort has been made to ensure historical accuracy.
Unfortunately, the available evidence has not always cooperated.
Corrections are welcomed.
Arguments are expected. – Corrections are welcomed. Documentation is encouraged. Pie bribery will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.
Before You Continue
The Official Register contains the current accepted names of the Schitt family.
If you’re looking for someone specific…
that’s where you’ll want to go.
If you’re simply looking for trouble…
keep reading.
Goats need a hug too sometimes.
Visitor Advisory
No family relationships were intentionally harmed during the compilation of these records.
Several reputations, however, remain under active investigation.
— Crock O. Schitt Historical Archives