Annotated Regrets
Not every record agrees.
Not every witness membered things tha same way.
Not every famly was entirely truthful.
True as rain!
Annotated Regrets preserve disputed testimony, contradictory accounts, questionable recollections, corrections, editorial observations, and those unfortunate occasions when the historical record wandered off into the weeds.
Readers are minded that absolute certainty has always been mighty scarce in Little Schitt Crossing.
Some folks simply recollect Schitt different.
—
Crock O. Schitt
Acting Archivist
ANNOTATED REGRET — THE CROOKED PICTURE
Nobody knows who hung it.
The photograph reportedly remained on the east wall of the Schitt family parlor for nearly thirty years. It was never more than slightly crooked.
Crock straightened it every time he walked past.
Someone invariably moved it back.
After repeated questioning, several accusations, one family meeting, and an unsuccessful attempt to determine whether the house itself was settling, Crock removed the picture entirely.
It was rehung the following morning.
Crock’s Comment:
“I don’t care who keeps doin’ it. I wanna know WHY they keep doin’ it.”
Museum Note:
No family member has admitted responsibility. The Archives has declined to determine whether the photograph was actually crooked.
This collection is not going to help you. 😂
“These here’s my drawers. Stuff what didn’t fit nowhere else wound up in ’em. Turns out… some o’ the best history does too.”
Discovery #17 — McNasty County Official Plat Map, 1874
Recovered beneath the porch after Sadie was observed chewing one corner. Historical significance recognized shortly before ingestion.
Minor edge damage attributed to storage conditions. Additional damage attributed to Sadie.
Found this’un under the porch. Well… Sadie found it.
I got there fore she swallowed McNasty County.
— Crock O. Schitt
Discovery #38 – Field notes that we believe relate to Discovery #17
The McNasty County Surveyor’s Field Notes / Plat Fragment
FIELD NOTES — McNASTY COUNTY
Vicinity of Little Schitt’s Crossing
“Commencing at the old oak near Schitt’s lower ground…”
“thence along the wet tract…”
“marker not found”
“fence disputed”
“goats prevented completion of western line”
Associated Survey Fragment — Date Undetermined
Recovered among materials believed to have accompanied the damaged McNasty County map. Several boundary references remain identifiable, although portions of the original survey appear to have been corrected, overwritten, or rendered unusable before entering the Archives.
ARCHIVAL CONDITION: Poor
PROVENANCE: Questionable but persistent
LEGIBILITY: Intermittent
GEOGRAPHIC ACCURACY: Disputed
GOAT INVOLVEMENT: Probable
DISPOSITION: Retained despite better judgment
Discovery #54 — Stark Inn Table Setting, Date Undetermined
Recovered from: Interior room associated with the former Stark Inn — Livery & Hotel, Little Schitt’s Crossing.
Estimated period: Late 19th century
Research Status: OPEN
The objects shown were reportedly found together on or immediately adjacent to a small table during examination of materials associated with the former Stark Inn. Their original arrangement cannot be independently verified, although no compelling reason has yet been found to separate the items into unrelated collections.
Items present include a worn deck of playing cards, simple rosary, partially filled whiskey glass, empty plate and fork, and a heavily used leather livestock collar. The deteriorated table linen bears markings believed consistent with the Stark Inn — Livery & Hotel.
No individual has been positively associated with the setting.
The playing cards and drinking glass suggest ordinary social use of the Inn. The rosary is of simple construction and presently unattributed. The plate provides little useful information beyond confirming that somebody apparently ate something.
The livestock collar presents the greater difficulty.
Although consistent with equipment used for goats in the Little Schitt area, no surviving tag, inscription, or reliable identifying mark connects the collar to a particular animal. The Archives therefore decline to assign ownership merely because goats have demonstrated an unfortunate tendency to appear throughout the historical record.
Whether these objects were actually present at the same sitting—or merely accumulated on the same table over time—remains unresolved.
ARCHIVAL CONDITION: Fair to Poor
PROVENANCE: Partially established
DATE: Undetermined
PERSON(S) PRESENT: Unknown
MEAL: Consumed
WHISKEY: Apparently not entirely
ROSARY OWNERSHIP: Unknown
GOAT INVOLVEMENT: Suspected, not established
DISPOSITION: Retained pending somebody explaining the collar
The Archives has received several theories regarding this collection. None have improved matters.
— Crock O. Schitt
A FINAL WORD ABOUT ANITA AND THE ASSE FAMILY
Anita and the Asse family have appeared often enough in Schitt family accounts that ignoring them would be historically convenient and archivally dishonest.
Their surname has produced considerably more commentary than useful information, frequently from people who should have known better. Anita, for her part, appears to have endured most of it with considerably greater patience than the people making the remarks deserved.
The Archives therefore records the Asse family as we record everyone else: by what can be documented, not by what somebody thinks is funny about their name.
They were neighbors, relatives, acquaintances, adversaries, and occasionally participants in Schitt family affairs.
They were also, by all available evidence, perfectly capable of making asses of themselves without assistance from the Archives.
That is all we have to say about that.
The Archives formally declines to make asses out of the Asse family because they were apparently capable of handling that themselves.
Crock’s Note: Anita and I knew each other. Beyond that, I have found that some things improve considerably when Nancy isn’t involved in remembering them.
Fanny May reportedly summarized the matter years later: “Anita was always bringing home things I wasn’t sure she ought to keep, and Nancy was always telling everybody where she found them.”
Crock has never established whether he was included among the things being discussed.