CALAMITY CARTWRIGHT
Little Schitt’s Crossing — Associated Persons & Local Incidents
Record: LSC-CAR-01
Subject: Calamity Cartwright
Born: 1850
Died: 1915
Known Associations: Little Schitt’s Crossing; Wilder N. Schitt
Occupation: Various
Status: Documented; portions of surviving accounts remain disputed
Calamity Cartwright appears intermittently in records associated with Little Schitt’s Crossing beginning in the latter half of the nineteenth century.
Her given name was not Calamity.
Unfortunately, surviving records have been considerably more successful in preserving the nickname than the name her parents intended.
Contemporary accounts generally describe Miss Cartwright as intelligent, personable, independent, and possessed of a remarkable ability to become involved in situations which had not concerned her several minutes earlier.
She was not considered particularly accident-prone.
She was, however, unusually willing to investigate things.
This distinction appears to have mattered primarily to Calamity.
CALAMITY & WILDER N. SCHITT
The precise nature of Calamity Cartwright’s relationship with Wilder N. Schitt, founder of Little Schitt’s Crossing, remains difficult to characterize.
She appears repeatedly in accounts concerning Wilder over a period of years and was variously described as his friend, companion, irritation, prospective romantic interest, unwanted romantic interest, and—on one occasion—“that Cartwright woman again.”
Family tradition maintains that Calamity pursued Wilder romantically on and off for a considerable period.
Wilder’s position on the matter is less well preserved.
One surviving recollection attributes the following exchange to them:
Calamity: “One day you’re gonna admit you like me.”
Wilder: “Probably.”
Calamity: “Well?”
Wilder: “Ain’t that day.”
No date accompanies the account.
Calamity apparently continued trying.
Wilder apparently continued noticing.
THE CARTWRIGHT–CAPRINE ASSOCIATION
Of considerably greater archival difficulty is Calamity Cartwright’s unusual relationship with the local goat population.
Goats liked her.
This statement initially appeared in the Archive catalog as anecdotal.
Further examination has not improved matters.
Between approximately 1871 and 1902, surviving accounts describe goats remaining near Miss Cartwright, following her, locating her, alerting others to her whereabouts, interfering with individuals perceived to be troubling her, and on several occasions apparently attempting to assist her during situations of varying seriousness.
No satisfactory explanation has been located.
Calamity herself does not appear to have considered the matter particularly unusual.
THE NORTH ROAD — c. 1873
According to a later witness account, Calamity left the road while attempting to retrieve an object subsequently described only as “her damned hat.”
She descended an embankment considerably faster than intended.
Two goats grazing nearby remained at the roadside and began making sufficient noise to attract passing travelers.
Calamity was eventually located below the embankment, muddy, irritated, and otherwise unharmed.
When asked whether the goats had summoned assistance, she reportedly replied:
“They mostly stood up there yellin’.”
The distinction has been preserved.
THE STOREROOM — c. 1876
Calamity became confined inside a storage room after the exterior latch dropped into place.
How she came to be inside the room remains disputed.
A goat subsequently began striking the building’s door.
Repeatedly.
The disturbance continued until the proprietor investigated.
Calamity was released.
The goat departed.
A later transcription contains two competing explanations:
Miss Cartwright maintains the goat knew she was inside.
Mr. Schitt maintains the goat disliked the door.
Neither explanation has been established.
FROM THE SCHEISTER GAZETTE
About Town — Miss Cartwright’s Companions
FROM THE SCHEISTER GAZETTE
Local Notes — October 1912
MISS CARTWRIGHT ASSISTED HOME
Miss Calamity Cartwright was assisted home Tuesday afternoon after reportedly “misjudging the ditch” along the east road.
Miss Cartwright, 62, was uninjured and declined assistance from several nearby residents.
She did, however, permit two goats to accompany her home.
When asked whether the animals belonged to her, Miss Cartwright replied:
“Lord, no. Never have.”
One of the goats remained on her porch until Wednesday morning.
Mr. Wilder Schitt, when informed of the incident, reportedly removed his hat, looked toward the Cartwright place for some time, and said:
“Figures.”
He declined further comment.
EDITOR’S NOTE:
The Gazette has located references to Miss Cartwright being accompanied by goats extending back nearly forty years.
We are no closer to an explanation.
ARCHIVE NOTE
The clipping is significant primarily because it demonstrates that the unusual association between Miss Cartwright and local goats was being discussed during her lifetime.
It also demonstrates that local women were discussing Calamity Cartwright.
The latter finding surprised no one.
OUTSIDE THE SALOON — c. 1877
A disagreement involving Calamity and an unidentified gentleman reportedly occurred outside the Little Schitt’s Crossing saloon.
The surviving account does not establish the cause.
It does establish the arrival of three goats.
The gentleman subsequently left.
Calamity remained.
The goats also remained.
One surviving witness statement records:
“Miss Cartwright was in no particular danger when the goat arrived.
This appeared to disappoint the goat.”
The statement does not identify which goat.
THE MULE — c. 1881
A mule reportedly became agitated while Calamity was attempting to pass behind a wagon.
A nearby goat moved between Calamity and the animal.
This action provided little meaningful protection against a mule.
It was nevertheless undertaken with considerable enthusiasm.
Calamity escaped injury.
The goat received substantial praise.
The mule received none.eserved.
WILDER’S COMPLAINT
One later family recollection suggests Wilder became increasingly irritated by the frequency with which goats became involved in matters concerning Calamity.
The following exchange is traditionally attributed to an incident of uncertain date:
Calamity: “I don’t need rescuin’, Wilder.”
Wilder: “Didn’t say you did.”
Calamity: “Then why’re you here?”
Wilder: “Goat came and got me.”
The Archives have been unable to establish whether a goat actually summoned Wilder.
We have also been unable to establish what Calamity had done.
Both deficiencies are regrettable.
ATTEMPTS AT EXPLANATION
Several explanations for the unusual behavior have been proposed.
Calamity may have routinely carried food.
No record establishes this.
She may have raised goats as a child.
No supporting record has been located.
Her clothing may have contained some scent attractive to livestock.
This explanation was apparently suggested during her lifetime.
Calamity reportedly objected.
One later account simply states:
“Goats took to her.”
This remains the most complete contemporary explanation presently available.
ARCHIVAL OBSERVATION
The surviving incidents span too many years and involve too many apparently unrelated animals to attribute the entire tradition to a single goat.
Nor does the Archive consider the evidence sufficient to establish unusual animal behavior beyond that reported by contemporary and later witnesses.
What can reasonably be stated is that Calamity Cartwright repeatedly encountered goats during moments when assistance was either required, potentially useful, or entirely unnecessary.
The goats frequently intervened anyway.
No comparable pattern has been identified involving horses, dogs, cattle, chickens, or Wilder N. Schitt.
Wilder appears to have found this unfair.
LATER YEARS
Calamity remained associated with Little Schitt’s Crossing intermittently throughout much of her adult life.
Her later relationship with Wilder remains unresolved in surviving records.
No definitive marriage record connecting the two has been located.
Neither has the Archive found evidence that Calamity ever entirely abandoned her interest.
She passed on in 1915.
A later family account states that several goats were observed near the Cartwright property during the days following her death.
The account was recorded considerably afterward and cannot presently be authenticated.
The Archives include it here because removing it would not make the rest of the record any easier to explain.
ARCHIVE NOTE
Researchers have repeatedly attempted to determine why goats demonstrated unusual attachment to Calamity Cartwright.
No documentary explanation has been located.
No consistent owner, herd, bloodline, feeding practice, or other common factor has been identified among the animals described in surviving accounts.
The goats appear to have reached their conclusion independently.
Further explanation remains UND.
ABOUT TOWN SECTION
From the Scheister Gazette, Page 3 — Local Notes, c. 1878
Miss Cartwright & Company
Miss Calamity Cartwright was observed Tuesday afternoon returning from the north road accompanied by four goats, none of which are believed to belong to her.
Miss Cartwright stated that she had neither invited nor encouraged them.
The goats declined comment.
Thursday’s Correction
Mrs. Beatrice Halloway has written to inform the Gazette that only three of the goats accompanying Miss Cartwright Tuesday were without known ownership.
The fourth belongs to Mrs. Halloway.
She would like it back.
Friday
Mrs. Halloway’s goat has been returned.
It left again.
Saturday — Correspondence
Mrs. Prudence Bell advises that people might stop wondering why goats follow Miss Cartwright and instead inquire why Miss Cartwright is so frequently somewhere goats believe she requires supervision.
Mrs. Bell’s observation has been forwarded to Miss Cartwright.
Her response was unsuitable for publication.
Monday — Additional Correspondence
Mrs. Mabel Crowley objects to Mrs. Bell’s characterization of Miss Cartwright and states that Calamity is “perfectly capable of looking after herself.”
Mrs. Crowley further notes:
“The goats know this. They go anyway.”
No additional correspondence on the matter will be printed.
Tuesday
Additional correspondence was received.