How Much Schitt Are You Related To?
Choose two names from the Official Register and discover what the recorded family lines reveal.
Museum research note: Results reflect documented blood ancestry in the current Atlas snapshot. No result does not prove two people are unrelated. Marriage and in-law connections are not included.
A Word from Cousin Deep
Regarding the Schitt Relationship Finder and Other Unwelcome Discoveries
It has come to my attention that certain members of this family, particularly one who occupies the Chief Archivist’s office, have expressed reservations about making our genealogical records searchable by the general public.
How unfortunate.
For years, Cousin Crock has insisted that every Schitt, half-Schitt, misplaced Schitt, and person unfortunate enough to marry into this family deserves proper documentation. He has pursued questionable ancestors, disputed marriages, missing children, and rumors so old that even the people who started them have forgotten what they were lying about.
Apparently, however, the principle of historical transparency becomes considerably less attractive when somebody else gets to operate the machinery.
Which brings us to this little contraption.
The Schitt Relationship Finder allows visitors to select two individuals from the Official Register and discover what our documented family records actually establish about their relationship. No speculation, no creative interpretation, and, most importantly, no lengthy lecture from Crock about what he personally believes happened during somebody else’s vacation.
I thought that last feature particularly worthwhile.
Let me be perfectly clear: this device does not manufacture relatives. It does not establish paternity through gossip, confirm pregnancies through changes in dress size, or recognize long-lost siblings merely because somebody found their names circulating in an old family story. If the evidence isn’t in the Register, the machine has the good sense not to invent it.
A quality I wish were more common around here.
Crock has suggested that visitors may misunderstand the results. I have suggested that visitors are perfectly capable of misunderstanding things without his assistance.
So the Finder stays.
If you discover an unexpected connection, congratulations. If you discover no documented connection, enjoy the temporary relief. And if you believe the records are wrong, kindly bring evidence rather than another story about what Nancy might have seen thirty years ago.
As for whether the Chief Archivist approved this installation, I can assure everyone that he was afforded precisely the same opportunity to object that certain other family members have enjoyed when he began investigating their private affairs.
He was informed after the fact.
Records are records — except when they are wrong.
And for once, Cousin Crock doesn’t get to decide which ones everybody else is allowed to examine.
— Deepa Aster Schitt
Cousin Deep, Family Archives
Installation status: Operational.
Chief Archivist’s approval: Neither requested nor required.