TO: ALL EMPLOYEES OF SMF & NDNS                                                         2009 3Q

FR: COMANAGEMENT

SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING PROGRAM

To ensure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from all employees, it will become our policy in the new year to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING [S.H.I.T.]. We are doing our best to give all our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other company dares to.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of s.h.i.t. on the job, please seek out your manager and ask if you are receiving all the s.h.i.t. you must have on hand. If it is decided that you were missed or underserved you will be at once placed at the top of the s.h.i.t. list, and our managers are exceptionally trained at seeing that you get all the s.h.i.t. you can handle.

Employees who don’t take their fair share of s.h.i.t. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS [D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.] *. Those few who fail or refuse to take d.e.e.p.s.h.i.t. seriously will be required to attend a session of EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING [E.A.T. S.H.I.T.]. Since all our managers have attended s.h.i.t. prior to their promotion, they don’t have to do s.h.i.t. anymore. Instead, qualified personnel attend SPECIALIZED HIGH-INTENSITY ZERO-ZONE LEADERSHIP EDUCATION [S.H.I.Z.Z.L.E.], which is reserved for those employees who have shown they can take s.h.i.t., work through d.e.e.p.s.h.i.t. and assist others without creating additional s.h.i.t. in the process.

Successful completion of s.h.i.z.z.l.e. may qualify an employee for supervisory consideration, where they will be expected to distribute s.h.i.t. fairly, recognize d.e.e.p.s.h.i.t. before stepping in it, and decide when an employee genuinely requires e.a.t.s.h.i.t.

Employees completing the program will be recognized as S.H.I.Z.Z.L.E. Certified and may thereafter aid management in ensuring that everyone receives the proper amount of s.h.i.t.

If you are full of s.h.i.t., you may be interested in a job training other personnel. Employees showing sufficient aptitude may be nominated for s.h.i.z.z.l.e., because management firmly believes that good s.h.i.t. should always be passed along.

We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST [B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.].* Those who are full of b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t. will get the s.h.i.t. appointments and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING [D.I.P. S.H.I.T.].*

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING [H.O.T. S.H.I.T.].

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL – SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

[B.I.G. S.H.I.T.]

* NOT named or related to any person.