A Recollection Concerning Jack Schitt, Age Ten — Summer 1968

Jack’s Archery lesson

Naow, I dun heard this story from the mouth that done it, n’ Ah can still ‘preciate how he told it, even if’n he fibbed a bit here ‘er there, it’s close. So for all you foldks that think Jack’s a model citizen, put this in yer pipe ‘n smoke it…..

Around age 10 Jack’s dad Awe got him one of those little badass youth recurve/ bow & arrow beginner kits. Of course, the first month he went around the land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich!

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dirty Dozen fan that he was, he was gonna Lee Marvin that tractor, n’ quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn’t any fire danger. I’ll put it this way- a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

Now, one summer afternoon, he was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in the backyard near the back pasture. He looked over under the carport and seen a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off in that boy’s head. He grabbed that can and set it on the stump, thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner… let’s face it to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like himself, ether really doesn’t “sound” flammable. So, ….. He went back into the house and got a 1-pound can of black powder for muzzle loader rifles his daddy had. At this point, He set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. He said his intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out. That’s No biggie… 1lb black powder  and 16 oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?

WELL ….. You know what? Screw that. He went going back in the house for the other can. Yes, HE GOT a second can of black powder and dumped it too. Now, in this boy’s mind —  we’re cookin’ naw!. He stepped back to about 15ft and lit the 2-stroke arrow, drew the nock to his cheek and took aim. As he released it, he heard a ‘clunk’ as the arrow launched from his bow. In a slow-motion time frame, he turned to see his dad getting out of the truck… OH SHEIITT he just got home from work.

So help me God, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from his bow to the can. His dad was walking towards him in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. He turned back around towards his target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of  black powder and into the can. Oh. Sheiitt have mercy!!!!!!

THAT there shock wave hit n’ it knocked him off his feet. I don’t know if it was the actual compression wave that threw him back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. He caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion, and I will tell you there was dust,
grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as you could see into the next pasture!. It was like a little low-to-the-ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this… THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE. Swear by that!

There was a huge ole’ sweet gum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice how I said “was”. That mother got up and ran off. So here he is, on the ground blown completely out of his shoes with his dirty dozen hat just shredded ta pieces, Awe is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Viet Nam flashback of some kind, ‘ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE, YOUR BRINGIN’ EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!!’ His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All, I say agin’ ALL the windows on the north side of that house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 1000 ft over the back pasture.

There is a 1964 Honda CT200 trail 90 parked on the other side of the yard, layin down where no one put it. Wish he knew what he said to his dad at that moment, but I don’t know. Words a commin’ outta his mouth but ya can’t hear a dern thing! Boy couldn’t hear inside hiw own head much less anythin’ else! Purty sure Awe didn’t hear him either! …… not that it would really matter. Way Jack told it, he don’t remember much from this point on. Claims he said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later, not sure how much later, but later. Felt a sharp pain, blacked out agin’, woke later…. repeat this process for goin’ on an hour or so and you get the idea. Seems ta  remember at one point Noe had to give him CPR so Awe could beat him some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again. Thanks mom.

One thing is for sure… He never had to mow around that stump again. Noe had been bitching about that thing for years and Awe never did anything about it. Jack claims he stepped up to the plate and handled business. Awe sold those Muzz loaders a week or so later. And I believe Jack still has some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating. Or both. I’m a guessin’ what I’m trying to say is, go ahead n’ get your kids into archery. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

Surviving Photographic Record

This photograph is presently believed to be the only surviving image associated with the late-summer 1968 incident described above.

Family accounts indicate that additional photographs may once have existed; however, none have been located among the materials presently held by the Archives. The identity of the person who took this photograph is likewise unknown.

The image appears to have been taken several hours after the event, after the immediate disturbance had subsided. Visible within the photograph are a bow, a pair of shoes believed to have belonged to Jack, disturbed ground near the former location of the oak stump, and a light haze remaining across portions of the back pasture.

The photograph does not independently establish the scale of the incident as later described by Jack or other family members. In particular, no photographic evidence presently survives confirming the reported damage to the house, the displacement of the sweet gum tree, the condition of Awe’s hat, or several other details contained within the family account.

The stump, however, is conspicuously absent.

ARCHIVE STATUS: Surviving photographic evidence
ESTIMATED DATE: Late Summer 1968
LOCATION: Schitt family property, back pasture
PHOTOGRAPHER: Unknown
IDENTIFICATION: Based upon family provenance and associated records
CORROBORATIVE VALUE: Limited, but annoyingly consistent

— Deep Schitt
Assistant Family Records Coordinator